I need you.

Dear Diary,

How are you dear? I hope you doing alright?

I know you really have a hard time to go through everything almost by yourself.
I know you are alone and lonely.

I know you have a hard time to sleep at night.
I know you skip meal almost every time.

I know you cry almost every night.
I know you try so hard to overcome it.

I know every single thing that happens to you.
I know how hurts you are right now.

Please be strong.
Please stop crying.
Please stop overthinking.
Please at least think about yourself.
Please, I'm begging you.

You know what...
You just destroying yourself.
You hurt yourself more than you imagine.
You make everything more complicated.

"I don't want you to think about depression, sadness, and disappointment.
It's could hurt your feeling and after that, you will be sad, depressed and emotional."

Depression caused from overthinking. You need to learn to accept your situation and move on. You will feel much happier and become wiser. 🌈⭐

See I told you...
He cares about you so much.
He even cuts all his plans just for you.
He willing to take you back home.
He did everything just for you.
and now you make him running away from you.
What have you done?!

Honestly and deeply I'm sorry.
I don't mean for you to get involved with my annoying and complicated life.
I just don't want to rely so much on you.
Because I know at the end of the day, it's me, myself that have to face it.
I don't want to lie but it's really hard Ya Allah being alone and by myself.

Whatever happens, I'm very thankful.
Alhamdulillah Allah sends you to me.
You might be young but sometimes you seem to be more mature than me.
I love to see you drive, you always look so smart and simple.
Everything about you was so comfortable.

You give me rainbow and stars into my life.
These signs make me smile and give me strength.
You show me how bright and beautiful life is...

You make me want to happily cook just for you.
And you always know what I like to eat. Thank you.

So please don't go even if I might be running away from you.
Because I'm shame on myself, you help me so much and I just make everything complicated on you.

I'm really sorry for everything.
Please don't go because I need you.

Sincerely.
Your crush.

P.S. Your wise word awake me, I will keep and remember it always.

I'm Blessed

5 June 2017
10 Ramadan 1438H


Dear Diary,

Alhamdulillah I'm blessed. Yes I am. I'm very thankful so much for this beautiful yet amazing things that happened today. Allah the Greatest. Allah the Merciful. He knows the exact time to answers my prayers. Syukur Alhamdulillah. 

"Beautiful, yet Amazing things happen only to those who are patient and strong enough, so keep on believin."

It's really nice to hear about you back again, I had being waiting patient for you to text me back for quite a long time I guess. I'm glad, I just can stop smiling, how gratefully I am for what happened today. Honestly, this was the best and grateful feeling that I being waiting for. Peace, my heart felt really calm and my head felt so clear. Just like last time, when we were together. All my worries and sadness gone. Those emptiness and broken feeling that I had before is now started to change from hate to blessed. SubhanAllah, look how amazing things could change from this powerful word..."Please I forgive me", "I forgive you" and "You being forgiven."

Indeed, Allah tests us with hardship and also prosperity in order to validate the sincerity of our faith. That the way Allah show us His love and care. He knows we can get through these challenges. So everything happen must have it own reason, right. Only Allah knows why. Therefore, please stop from doubt or questing this: Why us? Why it's happening to us? Why me? and bla bla..

Therefore, I always said this to myself, things will get better. How tough and hard these challenges, I believe these tests from Him somehow soon it will turn into a blessing from Him. InsyaAllah soon, one fine day you be grateful for things that had happened to you now. Yes. they are very difficult, hard and tough. Just be patient and believe in Him, InsyaAllah things going to be okay. Stay positive. So, just put your faith on Him. He knows what best for you. 

"When you have Allah, you have everything you need."

Dear Mr LOL..

Who are you? Why is everything you did whether it's a good things or bad things, it's always shaken my life and emotional. Maybe because being with you before always make me feel so calm, comfortable and I just can be myself around you, I guess..huhu.. Honesty, after you left, I met someone else but it didn't last long. Yet despite for one year we not talked, running away from each other, but the crazy thing is that you still always on my mind up until now today. It's weird and funny because suddenly I start to remember everything what happened during Ramadan 2015, and now it's Ramadan back again but on different year, 2017. Who are you? Why are you coming back? Hey, don't get me wrong, okay. I'm really glad to hear from you. Shame to say this but I miss you so much. It's been awhile. I'm sorry I lied but you did change a lot, more mature I guess..hihi anyway, Alhamdulillah, I'm glad and happy to hear from you again. Thank you Ya Allah for this gift, I'm thankful and blessed. I'm might crying with happiness right now, but at least I am smiling. 

"Ya Allah only you know how calm and happy my heart is right now. Syukur Alhamdulillah." 
 :)

I am only human,

I am not perfect,

I make mistake,

P.S. Please forgive me..

13 May

Dear Diary,


Its our one year anniversary today 13 May if you still remember.
But now everything its gone.
I just hope you are happy now.
I hope you find someone young and better than me.
May Allah take care of you.

Good luck on your internship!
All the best.
Caiyok2 💪

Take care.
Pray for me too.

P.S. I'm OK 🙃