I need you.

Dear Diary,

How are you dear? I hope you doing alright?

I know you really have a hard time to go through everything almost by yourself.
I know you are alone and lonely.

I know you have a hard time to sleep at night.
I know you skip meal almost every time.

I know you cry almost every night.
I know you try so hard to overcome it.

I know every single thing that happens to you.
I know how hurts you are right now.

Please be strong.
Please stop crying.
Please stop overthinking.
Please at least think about yourself.
Please, I'm begging you.

You know what...
You just destroying yourself.
You hurt yourself more than you imagine.
You make everything more complicated.

"I don't want you to think about depression, sadness, and disappointment.
It's could hurt your feeling and after that, you will be sad, depressed and emotional."

Depression caused from overthinking. You need to learn to accept your situation and move on. You will feel much happier and become wiser. 🌈⭐

See I told you...
He cares about you so much.
He even cuts all his plans just for you.
He willing to take you back home.
He did everything just for you.
and now you make him running away from you.
What have you done?!

Honestly and deeply I'm sorry.
I don't mean for you to get involved with my annoying and complicated life.
I just don't want to rely so much on you.
Because I know at the end of the day, it's me, myself that have to face it.
I don't want to lie but it's really hard Ya Allah being alone and by myself.

Whatever happens, I'm very thankful.
Alhamdulillah Allah sends you to me.
You might be young but sometimes you seem to be more mature than me.
I love to see you drive, you always look so smart and simple.
Everything about you was so comfortable.

You give me rainbow and stars into my life.
These signs make me smile and give me strength.
You show me how bright and beautiful life is...

You make me want to happily cook just for you.
And you always know what I like to eat. Thank you.

So please don't go even if I might be running away from you.
Because I'm shame on myself, you help me so much and I just make everything complicated on you.

I'm really sorry for everything.
Please don't go because I need you.

Sincerely.
Your crush.

P.S. Your wise word awake me, I will keep and remember it always.

I'm Blessed

5 June 2017
10 Ramadan 1438H


Dear Diary,

Alhamdulillah I'm blessed. Yes I am. I'm very thankful so much for this beautiful yet amazing things that happened today. Allah the Greatest. Allah the Merciful. He knows the exact time to answers my prayers. Syukur Alhamdulillah. 

"Beautiful, yet Amazing things happen only to those who are patient and strong enough, so keep on believin."

It's really nice to hear about you back again, I had being waiting patient for you to text me back for quite a long time I guess. I'm glad, I just can stop smiling, how gratefully I am for what happened today. Honestly, this was the best and grateful feeling that I being waiting for. Peace, my heart felt really calm and my head felt so clear. Just like last time, when we were together. All my worries and sadness gone. Those emptiness and broken feeling that I had before is now started to change from hate to blessed. SubhanAllah, look how amazing things could change from this powerful word..."Please I forgive me", "I forgive you" and "You being forgiven."

Indeed, Allah tests us with hardship and also prosperity in order to validate the sincerity of our faith. That the way Allah show us His love and care. He knows we can get through these challenges. So everything happen must have it own reason, right. Only Allah knows why. Therefore, please stop from doubt or questing this: Why us? Why it's happening to us? Why me? and bla bla..

Therefore, I always said this to myself, things will get better. How tough and hard these challenges, I believe these tests from Him somehow soon it will turn into a blessing from Him. InsyaAllah soon, one fine day you be grateful for things that had happened to you now. Yes. they are very difficult, hard and tough. Just be patient and believe in Him, InsyaAllah things going to be okay. Stay positive. So, just put your faith on Him. He knows what best for you. 

"When you have Allah, you have everything you need."

Dear Mr LOL..

Who are you? Why is everything you did whether it's a good things or bad things, it's always shaken my life and emotional. Maybe because being with you before always make me feel so calm, comfortable and I just can be myself around you, I guess..huhu.. Honesty, after you left, I met someone else but it didn't last long. Yet despite for one year we not talked, running away from each other, but the crazy thing is that you still always on my mind up until now today. It's weird and funny because suddenly I start to remember everything what happened during Ramadan 2015, and now it's Ramadan back again but on different year, 2017. Who are you? Why are you coming back? Hey, don't get me wrong, okay. I'm really glad to hear from you. Shame to say this but I miss you so much. It's been awhile. I'm sorry I lied but you did change a lot, more mature I guess..hihi anyway, Alhamdulillah, I'm glad and happy to hear from you again. Thank you Ya Allah for this gift, I'm thankful and blessed. I'm might crying with happiness right now, but at least I am smiling. 

"Ya Allah only you know how calm and happy my heart is right now. Syukur Alhamdulillah." 
 :)

I am only human,

I am not perfect,

I make mistake,

P.S. Please forgive me..

13 May

Dear Diary,


Its our one year anniversary today 13 May if you still remember.
But now everything its gone.
I just hope you are happy now.
I hope you find someone young and better than me.
May Allah take care of you.

Good luck on your internship!
All the best.
Caiyok2 💪

Take care.
Pray for me too.

P.S. I'm OK 🙃

Happy New Year 2017

Dear Diary,

Hai Assalamualaikum

Its almost midnight, and I am by myself celebrate 2017.
Sad right? Yup, kinda off.
But Syukur Alhamdulilah.
Even Though, I am not that feeling very well..cough, flu all over.
At least, I am still breathing this new year.

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2017

Stranger

25 Jun 2016
20 Ramadan 1437H

Dear Diary,

I wish you was here, I really miss you. I miss your smile and I miss being with you even it was for short time. I miss waking you up during Ramadan and I miss you Mr Lol.

This Ramadan we were totally strangers, I thought we share the same feeling, I thought that you love me, I thought that you wouldn't leave me again. But I was wrong you leave me without any words from you.  I'm confuse. I really don't understand. How is that we suddenly become strangers to one another. Did I did something wrong to you? Please tell me..I begging you..

What make me more sad was I had delete all of our conversations, everything because I really mad, hurt. But somehow I can't delete all the memories when we were together. They still fresh inside my head even how hard I'm try to forget you. It's hurt me so bad because I kept on remember you especially this time round, during this Ramadan, I totally felt you was here but everything gone, you gone.

It's funny, even I had delete all our conversation, but I still kept your photo inside my phone. I still have your letter that I wrote for you (those letter that I want to give you) to read how I actually felt for you. (I kept in safe inside my diary).

I hope you doing just fine without me. I hope your research when well like exactly you want it to be. I always pray for you. I pray all the best for you, for whatever you be doing now. I miss you. I pray to Allah to keep you in His side, to always keep you safe from anything.

I felt you, I never felt someone that very close to my heart before.
Being with you is so comfortable why because of you, every time I had problems, the moment I sat myself inside your car every single things, worries and problems I had just gone like that.
I still remember you ask me, "Why is that you not worry and afraid to be with me?" and I just look at you and said that I don't know why, but I just felt very safe and comfortable with you.

I love u because for Allah.
I believe everything happen a reason.
A reason why we met and why you left.

Dear Mr Lol,

Thank you for opening my little heart to feel what love is all about, 
Thank you for help me to open my eyes to see other part of the world.
Thank you for making me understand and know that true love is actually real.
Thank you for everything. 

Don't worry be Happy..
I may not forget but I always forgive you. 
I always here when need me.
p/s You know where to find me..

I wish you was mine but NOW WE ARE STRANGER..xoxo tc..

Life Is Beautiful Words :))

Dear Diary,

13 March 2016

Be patient for every hardship from Allah. 
Bersabar atas setiap ujian dari Allah.


Be thankful because you are the chosen one to go through it. 
Bersyukur kerana kamu terpilih mengharunginya.


Don't whine because every hardship there is always way out of it.
Jangan mengeluh kerana setiap kesulitan pasti ada jalan keluar.


Think well of Allah because Only He is our place to complain, place to hope.
Bersangka baik kepada Allah, sesungguhnya hanya kepada Allah tempat untuk mengadu, tempat untuk berharap.


Don't be sad because Allah always with you. 
Jangan bersedih kerana Allah bersama kamu.

Smile oh when you face the hardship from Him because every tests and challenges is Allah loves for us.
Tersenyumlah menghadapi ujian daripadaNya, kerana ujian ialah cinta dan sayang Allah terhadap hambaNya.


p/s I miss my family.. :(

One More Happy Ending

Dear Diary,

29 January 2016

Life is funny sometime, its moving so fast, we almost at the end month of January. I am 26 years old this year! Daebak! So far everything okay eventually, there is nothing much that I can talk about. Nothing really interesting happen pon..Ouh, by the way I got my BRIM anyway..Alhamdulilah syukur. 

And I met someone very similar to me, she is my new roommate. We both are Capricorn girls. Funny because I keep on meeting people that born on January a lot but somehow I am very glad and happy, I believe Allah had something amazing plan for me this year. InsyaAllah aamiin..

People say,

"Beautiful, yet Amazing things happen only to those who are patient and strong enough, so keep on believe it. "

You know what, when you have the time to sit and think, I would you try this out..

First, Try to sit as comfortable as you could..our Teacher would always said this, SIT UP STRAIGHT! hahaha..

Next, Close both your eyes and start breathe calmly, clear your mind..

Don't think so much! Just stay calm and relax, okay?

Then, Start thinks about something that would make you happy, about your life, your family, your friends, your loved ones or maybe your dreams or you could just think about things that happen today in your life that make your day, make you smile or anything will be fine as long as it is a happy memories..

There is no time limit, your can do it for how long you would like to..because when you start open your eyes, you feel this amazing and wonderful feeling inside your heart when it's done.

You can try it out as many time you love..

But if it does not works out, I am truly sorry.

Maybe this way was not meant for you..because it works great for me.  

So when you start think how your life so far, you somehow will be very thankful because your life has been blessed so much with your family, friends and your loved ones around you. 

So Be Thankful. 

Life is a Blessed.
You are not Alone,
Because Allah will Always with you..

"Our greatest blessing in life … is life itself.”

“There are so many things to be grateful for every single day.”

“We just have one life, keep it simple”

"Ya Allah, bless me, my family, my friends, everyone who read this for one more happy ending, that is to be inside Jannatul Firdaus..aamiin"