Hate

Dear Diary,

I really hate to say this but everything that happen to me it is because of this words "HATE".
There are these people that really really hate to see my family and I to success. They can't watch my family had more than them. They can't accept the truth, the truth that everything that we owe is from Allah. Honestly, its hard to understand this kind of people but yet there are people like this. I really don't know why they hate us so much. What are they angry about us so badly. Until every single person in my family cannot become success in anything that we are trying to do. I don't know what did they throw to us but all I know it is bad things. Things that won't allow us to success, to achieve anything that we want in our life.

I am SAD. ANGRY. MAD. HATE. STRESS. This is so unfair. Only your children can have what they want! Only your family will be respect by other! Only you can win everything! Hurmm..(Gelang kepala ada jugak orang macam ini kan). 

At first, I do felt mostly everything that I had stated above but now I do feel sorry to them. I hope Allah will forgive them and clean their heart from this awful, negative and bad heart to others. I also hope that Allah will give my family and I strength and patient to forget what they did to us and forgive them.

As for me, it is going to be hard but somehow my life should move on. Its hurt and tough but I will note to myself "Before I going to sleep every night, forgive everyone and sleep with a clean heart." So,

Past is past, 
Now it's gone,
But it's time to move on,
Because future is await you.

Mein Life - 6 Months

Dear Diary,

Its being almost 6 month since I came back from UK. Those days being hard and tough for me. I had shut down people around me during that time. I didn't contact anyone, message, whatsApp or wishes happy birthday to my best friends and friends. I know I am a very bad bad friend. But there are nothing I can do, I even don't went outside meet others. I stay inside of my house during these days. Even the worst thing, I did was I went to the kitchen, wanted to put a knife to kill myself but thank you Allah my older sister came and slap me to stop myself from doing this stupid things.

I really don't know what I am thinking that time. I felt very angry and mad to myself. I kept on blame myself for the things that happen. Everything was blur and very hard for me, I cannot sleep and I kept on crying to myself every night before I went to bed. All I remember I never tell anyone how I felt, what actually happen to myself. How bad the pain inside me only Allah knows. All I know I must put on a smile on my face every single day not to let my family and others know. I believe they are very sad and frustrated for what happen.

All I can said is that I am only a human and nobody is perfect. We all keep on making mistake every single days and I don't blame them for what happen. It's all my fault and I kept these words in my head that " Failure is one step toward success. " Yet the most important is to accept what had happen, I need to redha because " There's always a reason for things that happen and Allah knows best. " 

From that moment, I know I need someone help but I can't talk, there no words came out from my mouth and I did try to text to my friend by message to them but I can't press the Send Button. Soon, I end up turn myself away. I don't know why my heart was totally cold and hard to share and to open up to let others in. Oh god I really don't know myself anymore. haaaaaa....so stressful.


6 There are 6 of us ( not included both my grandmothers )
My oh my
Only I myself can do it
New hope and dream
To overcome this
Hide all suddenness and move on.

p/s : Please don't get too sad or else your heart will get hurt.
       Keep calm and Keep moving forward.